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. You just wanted tosee the location. Victor shakes his head and closesthe top drawer on the dresser.He turns toface me and something unfamiliar isevident in his greenish-blue eyes.A long breath emits from hisnostrils. I took you home because it swhat you wanted, he says and goes to thedoor with all of his clothes drapedcarefully over one arm. Even though you knew they d goback there looking for me? He stops at the door with his backto me, his fingers placed on the knob ready to open it.His head tilts back someand his shoulders fall.Instantly, I feel like I ve offendedhim. I ll use the shower inSamantha s room, he says and it stings. You should get cleaned up, change intoyour new clothes. And then he walks out, leaving mein here all alone. CHAPTERNINETEENInstead of a shower, I soak in a long, hotbath.My muscles ache something awfuland it wasn t long after I slipped into thewater that I started feeling the tiny scrapesand cuts all over my body that I hadn trealized were there before.I m justsurprised I don t have a gunshot wound togo with them.By the time I get out, I m cleanerthan I feel like I ve ever been now that I have new clothes to put on and that I vegotten to shave.Victor had told me back atthe department store that I could pickwhatever I wanted and that it didn t matterhow much it cost, just that I needed to bequick about it.I chose the mostunfashionable, casual thing I could find.Because I don t care about fashion andhonestly can t remember the last time thatsomething like that mattered.After I m dressed I pull my wethair up into a ponytail and then rummagethrough the things left out on the bathroomsink.Deodorant, toothpaste andtoothbrush, various bottles of lotion andother random creams of sorts are linedneatly against the mirror.Everything isnew and there s no telling how long it sall been sitting here waiting for a guest like me to come along and put it to use.And I definitely put it to use, starting withthe deodorant first, a luxury that I rarelyhad at the compound.Javier, for the mostpart, made sure that I had necessities andnice things, but he left the shopping up toIzel and since she despised me immensely,she made it a point to go out of her way tobuy the cheapest, most useless stuff thatshe could find.When it came todeodorant, the best I ever got was somestrange brand of liquid roll-on that leftred, inflamed spots underneath myarmpits.I brush my teeth and even usedental floss for the first time in years andthen I find myself standing blankly in frontof the mirror.I don t see myself really, butI think about Victor and what he s doing in Samantha s room.Explicit pictures of himfucking her spring up in my mind and itupsets me more than I want to admit tomyself.I can t really be attracted to a manlike him, can I? A man who has killed notelling how many people.It doesn t matterthat I feel safe with him, or that I trust him;the truth is that he is what he is and I d bestupid to ever think he wouldn t kill me ifhe found it in any way necessary.But I am attracted to him.I dohave strange, unfamiliar feelings for him.And I hate it!I shake my head angrily at myself,finally taking notice of my own reflection.The area around the outside of my righteye is yellowed by a bruise.My lips aredried and chapped.There s a tiny cut along my left brow bone.I look tiredand& used up.Only the sound of somethingfalling on the floor in another room downthe hall snaps me out of my self-loathing.I crack open the bathroom doorfirst to peer down the hallway.I hearSamantha s voice, but I can t make outwhat she s saying.Finally leaving thebathroom, I walk quietly down the lengthof the hall toward her room, tiptoeingacross the carpet as carefully as possible.Her door is closed, so I press my earagainst the wood and try to listen in, butthe moment I touch it, it creaks open alittle and my heart falls into my stomach.Ishut my eyes tight and hold my breath untilI know that I didn t just give myself away.I shouldn t be doing this, I think to myself, but I just can t help it.I peer inside the dimly-lit room.A television is on, but has been turneddown really low or muted, the glow fromit providing the room with most of itslight.I see Victor s bloody shirt and therest of his suit hanging partially over theside of a laundry basket pressed againstthe wall near the master bathroom.Thatdoor is cracked open, too.Pushing the bedroom door open alittle more, just enough for me to squeezethrough, I walk inside Samantha s room.And every step I take makes me feel thatmuch more violating and uncouth.But Ihave to know.Because the thought of himwith her is torturing me on the inside.Maybe later I ll try to figure out why.Right now, I just want to know. I make my way through the roomand to the bathroom door, where I waitjust outside of it, my heart pounding in mychest, worried they ll catch meeavesdropping.When after a few secondspass and Samantha is talking again, I feelsafe enough to peek inside to get a betterlook, only hoping that the partial darknessof the room helps to keep me from beingseen. VictorI stand with my hands pressed against thecounter, a towel wrapped around mylower body after having just showered.Ipeer into the mirror over the sink, tiltingmy chin to one side and then the other,feeling like I should probably shave butdecide against it.Samantha sits down onthe closed toilet seat with a suture needleand thread in one hand, ready to stitch meup. Are you going to drop thetowel? she asks. I can t very well dothis with it in the way.And it s not like I haven t seen it before. I start to remove the towel just asshe says that, but then I notice a sound sofaint, like the sound of a sharp breath, thatI m surprised I heard it at all.I glance intothe mirror and look behind me at the doorseeing nothing but knowing that Sarai is onthe other side of it. Victor? Samantha urges me,getting irritated with my slow response. No, I finally answer, turningaround so that the side where the woundis, is facing her.I reach down andstrategically adjust the towel over theback of my hip so that she can access it,afterwards tying it firmly together on theother side to hold it in place. If you insist, Samantha says andgoes right to work. I feel the needle slide in once andI grit my teeth for a moment until the painfades. You never did tell me why youstopped coming here, Samantha says. It was for the best. Bullshit.It was something I did,or said, or maybe it was something Ididn t do.I just want to know.No hardfeelings.No awkwardness.Just answerthe question that s been bugging the shitout of me for ten years.I deserve thatmuch. After the second pass of theneedle through my skin, I no longer feel it. I respected you, I say. It didn tfeel it right to use you anymore. Honey, you know better thanthat. She smiles up at me briefly
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