[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
. An aversion to sodium? &&+ AVWdg d[ AdkZ No.It s more like I enjoy the idea of salt the remnantsof it.Not the heaps they put on. Jacob points to his forehead. Duly noted. Why do I have no doubt that you ll remember that bitof minutia forever? Jacob shrugs. Because that s who I am.We ll be at theHadley reunion with our spouses and kids and I ll walk upto you and say, Hey, Love, still scraping the salt off youroversized pretzels? I gulp at this image not just being old enough thatwe re at a Hadley reunion.But that we have spouses.Andthey re not each other.That time has passed.And from Jacob s scene-setting, we ve been out of touch.That s what s soweird about teenage life I know at the back of my mindthat I won t have anything to do with most of the people Iknow now.It s fine in the everyday.But when that knowledge slips to the forefront, I begin to wonder why I botherknowing people or connecting to places at all. I might not be married.You don t know, I say lightheartedly, even though the reality of seeing him at a reunion feelsheavy. Which reunion did you have in mind, anyway? I bet your husband would be all ruffled like scrapingthe salt off your pretzels, what does that mean? He d thinkit was a euphemism for something sexual. That sounds like your brain, I say. Overanalytical,&&, :b^an ;gVc`a^ccharming, and yet with a layer of typical-guy sleeze inthere. So now I m your husband? Jacob snags a bite of mypretzel and smiles while he chews. Jacob? I hold the rest of my pretzel, my hunger gone asI seek the words for what I want to say. I didn t avoid youbecause I felt nothing.I didn t want to see you because I felttoo.something. Something good, general word as a writer, can yoube more specific? You ll have to if you want a shot at theBeverly William Award. How do you even know about that? Hey I have parents who are way overinvested in mycollege choices.They ve been shoving every guide, everygrant, every potential award possibility in my face.I read thedescription of that and figured you might apply for it.Eitherthat, or the Marchese Award for the student who translatesShakespeare into Italian. That was my second choice, I say. Ciao. Go on.I don t mean to distract you from honesty withmy impractical wit. I like your wit, I say and hand him the pretzel. I likeyou.I like being with you but. I know that but. Yeah. I push my hair behind my ears, wondering when&&- AVWdg d[ AdkZI last washed it.It s been smelling like coffee lately so muchthat I ve grown immune, but Charlie and Chili have bothcommented that being near me brings to mind the wordslatte and dark roast, and not always in a favorable way.Jacob laughs.His voice. I m glad you have. Charlie.Charlie Addison. Jacob makes a face, semi-impressed. So we re dating institutions, are we? Addison. I know.But he s really great. I stretch my arms abovemy head.It s normal, being with Jacob.Not overly flirty oranything.And I don t have to feel bad, like I m doing anything now that hints at infidelity.Right?Jacob looks at me. Good.You deserve great. So this. I point to him and to me, to the space inbetween. We re fine? He shoulders up to me, bumping me like the cars wouldhave if they d been powered. You know us we ll always bebetter than fine. So, what s the name for us, then? Friends? FWHfriends with history? What? Damn, woman, can you stop being a writer for onesecond? I didn t say that because of writing. I push him awayplayfully. Just I don t know.I guess I like definitions.God,now I do sound like a writer. &&. :b^an ;gVc`a^cWe walk back over the grass to my car.I always want tosettle things, to be certain of what s going to happen, andI ve tried hard to unlearn that.In my pocket, I feel the letterfrom Gala.Just knowing it s there raises my pulse.Changeand steadiness.I might not read it now.Not for a while.Maybe right before she arrives.It s funny, but where I normally have an insatiable appetite for knowing things, delvinginto people, I don t seem able to do that with her.The letterexists, and it won t go away.Maybe that s why I don t wantto read it.Once you read it, once you know something, youcan t unknow it.Who knows.I look at Jacob.He stands, feet planted in the tall grassat the field s edge.In another lifetime, maybe I d have beenstanding next to him, holding his hand, or the two of uswould wait out the night, looking for constellations. You going to that party? I ask. I guess. He shuffles his feet to one side and then back.Is he waiting for me to say don t go? God, if another of meexisted, I would.At that fifth, tenth, or fifteenth Hadley reunion, will I regret not making him stay? Not asking him togo back to the empty fairgrounds and sit in the Whip, ourbodies near but not touching? It feels like tonight is thatstarting point, though.Or if not the beginning, the continuation of our friendship and to ask the glittering eveningto stay like this, to convince him not to go to a party where&'% AVWdg d[ AdkZhe ll most likely hook up with some hottie, feels loaded.LikeI m promising something I can t give.Besides, if he did gettogether with someone, who s to say I d care? He s okay withme being with Charlie, and I really believe that Jacob andsomeone else wouldn t bother me.Not like last year whenhe had his brief make-out session with Lindsay Parrish.I lean on the side of my car. Thanks. For what? He opens my door and I climb in. I don t know for what. But I feel grateful for the timewith him.For the fact that he didn t run away just becauseyet again our feelings didn t overlap. I m here for another week
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
