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.”“Oh yes, she did.And it only got worse—Epifania actually called her mother out.She said that at least she didn’t wash up on shore in an inner tube wearing nothing but a banana leaf and a couple of coconuts.It got ugly.”“Why couldn’t I have been there?”“The world should have been there.Immaculata is as deranged as she is unhinged.And she totally set Epifania up for failure with that ill-fitting dress.I can’t stand her.And speaking of Epifania, I should call her today.She’s been raked through the press since what happened to Audric.I’ll send her flowers in a show of support.What happened to Audric wasn’t her fault.She didn’t want to sit in his lap.She tried her best to suggest that she was too heavy for him, and that it was a bad idea.But he insisted upon it.Epifania is a nice girl.She just played along—and then look what happened.The press is pinning part of this on her—and on Alex and me for not stopping it from happening, as if we could.But Alex and I can handle the negative press.I’m not so sure that Epifania can.I’ll talk with her later today or tomorrow, and ask her over for coffee sometime this week.Somebody needs to get behind her, because I can guarantee you that bitch Immaculata has already distanced herself from her.”When the server placed a full plate of spaghetti in front of me, I knew that I’d never get through it—even if it did smell good.But when he moved Lisa’s plate of salmon in front of me and I caught a whiff of the fish, for some reason my stomach went sour, and I knew in an instant that I was going to throw up.“Excuse me,” I said as quickly as I could.When I stood up, I stood too quickly—my chair hit the ground, but I didn’t stop to pick it up.There was no time.I was about to hurl.As fast as I could, I cut through the tables as people turned to watch me flee to the ladies room.Just in time, I found a stall, dropped to my knees, and started to dry heave into the toilet.I had nothing in my stomach, but my stomach didn’t seem to give a damn about that.I just continued to heave until I heard the bathroom door open and then Lisa’s voice just outside the stall.“Jennifer, open the door.”“I can’t.”“What’s wrong with you?”“I don’t know.It’s got to be stress.”“But we were just having a fun conversation.”My stomach clenched one more time, but only bile came out of my mouth.I felt ashamed and humiliated.Worse, I’d just ruined lunch with my best friend.I grabbed some tissues, wiped my mouth, and stood once the nausea had passed.I wasn’t sure when I’d ever felt so weak, but I pulled it together and opened the door to find Lisa standing just beyond it.“You’re practically white,” she said.“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that today.”“Come over to the sink.Rinse out your mouth.”I did as I was told.When I was finished, I looked at myself in the mirror, and knew that something was wrong with me that went beyond mere stress.I could handle stress.Moreover, I knew that my gut was made of steel.What’s happening to me?“I need to leave,” I said.“People saw me topple over my chair.I can’t go back into that crowd as if nothing happened.”“Of course we can leave.But something isn’t right.Why did you throw up?”“I don’t know.When I smelled your salmon, that was it for me.I just wanted to puke.”“You threw up this morning?”“I’ve been throwing up all week.”She gave me a curious look.“At what time?”“Mostly in the morning.But one time it happened later in the day.”“I’m going to ask you a question, but try not to freak out.”“What question?”“Are you pregnant?” she asked.“Am I what?”“Pregnant.”“God, no.I’m on the pill.You know that I am—and I never miss a day.Ever.Alex and I aren’t planning on having a family for another two years.That’s way off the table.It’s got to be something else.I should probably see a doctor, but I can’t because I’m too busy.And I can’t have Alex worrying about me right now.It would be too much for him.It wouldn’t be fair to him.”“He’s your husband.You have to tell him if something is wrong.”“How about if I confirm that something is wrong, and then I’ll tell him? What’s the point otherwise?”“I think you need to take a pregnancy test.”“Oh, come on.It’s not that.You’ve seen what my life has been like this week.Obviously, for whatever reason, my body is reacting to it.”“Fine,” Lisa said.“You’re not pregnant.So, why don’t we just prove it with a test? What’s the harm? You pee on a stick, you get your negative, and then you call your doctor to get to the bottom of this.How’s that for a plan?”“I’m not pregnant.”I can’t be.“Besides,” I said.“With the press on my ass, I certainly can’t walk into a drug store and buy a test anyway.Oh, they’d be all over that.”“Then let me buy it for you.We’ll leave here separately.I’ll take a cab, buy the test, tuck it into my handbag, and meet you at your apartment.Then, you’ll pee on the damned stick.If you’re not pregnant, then something serious might be wrong.You’ll need to see your doctor ASAP.But if you are pregnant, then you need to know now so you can see your doctor for a whole host of different reasons.Either way, Jennifer, I know you.Stress has never made you throw up.When have I ever even known you to throw up, with the exception of that time in college when we downed a bottle of tequila between us?”She put her hand on my shoulder.“Can we just do this?” she said
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