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.And remember that there is grace enough to cover all the ways we fall short!Here’s the big takeaway.As Dr.Case says, “Neither the positive nor the negative statements are absolute.(In other words, you aren’t always 100 percent a peacemaker, and you aren’t always 100 percent overly sensitive about how someone views you.) Sometimes you are a troublemaker, and sometimes you don’t give a hoot what someone says about you!”Now it’s your turn.Ready, set, go! Make your lists.Don’t be afraid to be honest.As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right—for you’ll be criticized anyway.” And remember: God made you just as you are.Embrace that.He knew what He was doing.Appendix 2Help for Those Experiencing AbuseIf you are being abused and need guidance, here are organizations that can help.National Domestic Violence HotlineAdvocates are available to you live, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.They can offer you a direct link to a domestic violence program in your area.Phone: 1-800-799-SAFEWebsite: www.thehotline.orgNational Dating Abuse HelplineThis service aims to help youth and young adults.Advocates are available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, via phone, online chat, and text messaging.Phone: 1-866-331-9474Texting: Text “loveis” to 77054Online chat: www.loveisrespect.orgLegal GuidanceWomensLaw.org is a crucial resource if you’re in a dangerous relationship and know you have to leave.It lists pivotal information to help you prepare to leave in advance or in a hurry, what to take with you (such as spare car keys, driver’s license, money, copies of birth certificates, Social Security cards, medication, and, if possible, evidence of physical abuse), what evidence to keep to prove you’ve been hurt (such as photographs of bruises or other injuries, torn or bloody clothing, or documentation from police officers or doctors), and how to leave safely with children.Website: www.womenslaw.orgAppendix 3Red Flags That May Indicate Abusive or Potentially Abusive BehaviorThe following behaviors are warning signs of abuse, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.1.Jealousy2.Controlling behavior3.Quick involvement4.Unrealistic expectations5.Isolation6.Blaming others for problems7.Blaming others for his or her own feelings8.Hypersensitivity9.Cruelty to animals or children10.“Playful” use of force in sex11.Verbal abuse12.Rigid sex roles13.Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde personality14.Past battering15.Threats of violence16.Breaking or striking objects17.Any use of force during an argumentAppendix 4Help for Friends and Family of the AbusedWhat can you do if you suspect or know a friend or family member is in an abusive relationship? The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers these tips.• Don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend who you think needs help.Tell her you’re concerned for her safety and want to help.• Be supportive and listen patiently.Acknowledge her feelings and be respectful of her decisions.• Help your friend recognize that the abuse is not normal and is not her fault.Everyone deserves a healthy, nonviolent relationship.• Focus on your friend or family member, not the abusive partner.Even if your loved one stays with her partner, it’s important she still feels comfortable talking to you about it.• Connect your friend to resources in the community that can give her information and guidance.(See the list of resources in Appendix 2.)• Help your friend develop a safety plan.• If your friend breaks up with the abusive partner, continue to be supportive after the relationship is over.• Even when you feel like there’s nothing you can do, don’t forget that by being supportive and caring, you’re already doing a lot.• Don’t contact the abuser or publicly post negative things about him online.It will only worsen the situation for your friend
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