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.Dominique is totally closed off, which isbizarre.She and Delilah haven t livedtogether since their time in the dorms infreshman year.During their second year,Delilah had pledged one fraternity andDominique had pledged another, and thetwo of them separated.Delilah now hasher own apartment, and Dominique hasher own as well.I know that it hurtsDelilah that Dominique is around less, butuntil Dominique feels like explaining,nothing s going to change.I was sitting at my desk thinking aboutDominique and what was going on whenmy desk phone rang. Spencer Cross. From the sound of the breathing, I knew itwas my mother before she even spoke.My stomach plummeted four hundredstories in five seconds flat. I m delighted that you ve kept the nameCross.I thought those people would haveforced you to change your name to Hart bynow. Gritting my teeth, I took as deep of abreath as I could. Those people are myfamily, mother.Don t insult them.Andunlike my own family, they ve neverforced me to do anything I didn t want todo.Why are you calling? It was a good question, and I dreaded theanswer.I hadn t heard from my mother in almost two years, and I was just fine withthat.She doesn t have one motherly bonein her body.Hell, she doesn t have onecaring bone in her body.If it weren t forthe fact that I ve seen photos of herpregnant, I d swear she was a reptile andthat she stole me from someone else.Mymother is a dish best served cold, or not atall. I m calling because I don t feel well.You can t think I ll live forever, right? Iknow I ve not been mother of the year, butI m the only one you ve got.I d like tolook at my son before I leave this Earth, totell you how sorry I am. My mother doesn t do contrite, so herassertion that she wanted to apologize had me pulling the phone away from my ear tostare at it in confusion. What do you mean you don t feel well?Have you been to the doctor? She made an inelegant noise, indicatingthat she hadn t. You know how yourfather is about illness, and he s only gottenworse.He doesn t allow for doctorvisits. As much as I dislike her, that got to me.Iremember what it felt like to be trappedunder his control.Terrified to move orbreathe out of place, trying to stay silentand still.To this day, I wake up in a coldsweat remembering his hands on me, hismouth, and his miserable excuse for a dickrubbing against me. If you don t let me touch you, Big Mike s already told me Ican touch Dante or Damien.Whicheverone strikes my fancy.Don t think I won tdo it boy.And with them, I could domore. Later, when that started not working, hethreatened to touch the girls.I ll neverforget the sight of him and their fatherleering at the two of them like they weremeat.I started working out the next day,and I ve never looked back.Snapping back into the present, I askedher, If you don t feel well, why not shovepast him and go to the doctor? I ve neverknown him to restrain you before. Things have changed, my darling.He s letting me have a party though, thisweekend.I d like you to come.I won tmake you stay, I promise.But I d like totalk to you while I still can. I m not sure what the fuck I was thinking.Shit, maybe I wasn t.Somehow, she dworked her head games on me, and thenext thing I knew, I d agreed to go. Chapter Twelve: DelilahI thought I d go crazy for the entire firstyear after the thirty days of Spencer lovingwere up.I missed him, the feel of him, theability to hold and love him, and thefeelings that our being together evoked.Idreamed of being with him damn nearevery night, and it made me nuts.Therewere a lot of bad days that first year.I knew the first time he had sex withsomeone else, because the following nightat family dinner, he could barely look atme.I hated that he hadn t been able towait, and I hated that I felt that way.Iknew firsthand how high Spencer s sexdrive was, and I knew he wouldn t last two years.I wondered if he enjoyed thesex, wondered if he held her afterwards.Iwondered if he screamed her name whenhe came.I wondered if she loved hisscent, whether she knew that he loved tobe kissed and held afterwards.For the entire month after that, I criedmyself to sleep every night.I lost tenpounds and walked around like a ghost.Itwas at that point that Dominique gotpissed off and told me that I was being adumbass. You can t wait for himDelilah.It isn t fair, and it s dumb to try.I ve been your biggest supporter untilnow, but fuck this.You re fuckingmiserable and I m watching you disappearbefore my very eyes.You didn t evenhave one pound to lose, much less ten." Spencer put his foot down too."Angel,I'm with you all the way.I'm fuckingmiserable without you baby, but I'm moremiserable seeing you like this.If you wantme to tell Dante and Damien now, if thatwill make you happy, I'm all in.I can'tstand seeing you like this.You're the mostimportant person in the world to me.Ifthey're mad, then so be it."I knew that wasn t the answer.It wouldjust start shit, and that wasn't myintention.I also didn't want Spencer tohave to worry about me all the time.After that, I realized that I needed to startacting like a functioning member ofsociety.I also realized that I needed tostop pining over Spencer when Dominique was around, because it was pissing heroff.To her, he was a brother figure, and Ididn t want her to hate him because Icouldn t handle being away from himI floundered once, that Christmas.Ineeded to be with him.It was beautifuland amazing, but when it was finished, Itold him we needed to go cold turkey untilI graduated.I couldn't chance gettingdepressed again.Over time, I managed to regain myequilibrium.I just kept telling myself thatevery day got me one day closer to goal,and one day it finally took.***I m not sure that it ever got easier, but it did get more bearable.Dominique pulledaway from me a bit, and it made me sad.It wasn't extreme, but for the first time,there was a divide.Sometimes I thoughtshe seemed anxious to have privacy, and Iwondered about that.I suspected that shewas trying to hide something from meabout her sexuality, but for the life of me Icouldn't understand why.She understoodthat I wasn't oblivious to what was goingon with her, but she still refused to talk.Irealized that we were adults now, and thatI needed to let her have privacy eventhough it hurt me.When she's ready, she'lltell me.We both had a new friend though,someone that we all love to pieces.Mybrother Dante had gotten a new executive assistant named Sabrina, and her sisterBrooke is our new permanent sidekick.The Tyler sisters are part of our family,and we all love having them around.Brooke and my brother Damien definitelyhave huge feelings for each other, butneither of them is saying a word
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